Managing Yahoo Instant Messenger (YIM) Buddy Lists?

I have a few questions about Yahoo! messenger (YIM), since they don't supply customer support. When I add someone to my 'buddies' list, I have one of two scenarios to play out afterwards.

1) The other person logs online and decides to either "accept and allow me" to add them, or to "not accept and not allow me" to add them in which case they disappear from my buddies list, or

2) The other person logs online, but appears to never make the choice about allowing me to add them or not, and they just remain in my buddies list forever.

So my first question is how can #2 happen? Doesn't everyone who has YIM get forced on the screen to make the choice between allowing or not allowing someone to be on the buddies list?

My second question that flows from this, is let's say that I have allowed someone to put me on their buddies list - what if I want to stop that at some point? there is the command that says 'delete friend', but that seems to apply to someone I made a friend from my end, no someone who made *me* a friend from their end....there is also the 'ignore friend' option, but doesn't that just block their message from reaching me (and hence I don't know they are sending it), rather than actually preventing them from knowing when I am on line (as a buddy).

So in other words, once you allow someone to add you as a buddy, how can you ever *disallow that*?

Dave's Answer:

The answer your first question is yes. Everyone who uses YIM receives a dialog box when someone wants to add them. It's only in the latest version that you are actually forced to choose, in older versions of YIM you were able to bypass the "Add Buddy�? process by clicking Cancel.

As for your second question the answer is block. You'll want to "delete friend�? and possibly "ignore friend�? but before you do either of those you'll want to block them that way they won't know when you're online.

To block someone:

1) Right-click their name
2) Select Stealth Settings
3) Choose Permanently Offline
4) Click OK

Here's what the Stealth Settings looks like:

Yahoo Instant Messenger YIM Stealth Settings

After that you need to delete them from your friend's list, then go ahead add them to your Ignore List by clicking Preferences --> Ignore List --> Add and typing their name.

That should address your YIM (Yahoo Instant Messenger) questions, I hope!

Thanks to Mya Leigh for her help with this question.

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Categorized: Computer and Internet Basics (Article 4692, Written by Dave Taylor)
Tagged: yahoo messenger, yim
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Reader Comments To Date: 103

bob said, on February 14, 2006 9:13 AM:

this question needs to be answered... I am on a MAC as was the person asking the question, i guess.

Anyone know the answer?

debt consolidation said, on March 13, 2006 12:27 PM:

How can i remove myself from someone else list?
If the other has me on his list how can i remove myself?

freddie said, on March 30, 2006 10:45 AM:

yes,how do you delete my name from there list,they always know when im on,and i want my name off there list,how do i do it,thankyou

programming_geek said, on April 3, 2006 12:10 PM:

Here's another possible solution:

http://www.modernmorph.com/downloads/comment.php?dlid=77

cynthia mettlach said, on April 4, 2006 9:08 PM:

I do not understand how to add a yahoo.com customer to my aol.com IM buddy list. I'm new at the computer and I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Thomas said, on July 22, 2006 6:34 AM:

I want to retrieve the buddy list of a remote yahoo id. How can i get it. Please help me.

qqq said, on August 29, 2006 7:32 AM:

hello, short question
how can i find out if i am on somebody's buddy list?

robert Carsten said, on October 9, 2006 8:23 AM:

For 2 days now my Yahoo IM won't open . I'm on a Mac and the little spinning circle has been spinning for hours without giving me a error message or letting me on to my Yahoo IM

WHATS WRONG ?

brandi said, on December 22, 2006 6:29 AM:

how do i add a contact to the mesenger list?

maggie said, on December 29, 2006 11:08 AM:

I do not understand how to add a yahoo.com customer to my aol.com IM buddy list. I'm new at the computer and I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Kamal Jeet Singh said, on February 8, 2007 4:25 AM:

I want to know when did last 2 times my yahoo messanger gets login - with dates & time - its really important as well urgent for me.
Its a matter for life & death for me.

Raymond said, on March 10, 2007 2:04 PM:

When talking to a friend on yahoo messenger she can hear me and I can't hear her. we went through all the instructions and trouble shooting help but still have the same problem.

Heather said, on March 18, 2007 2:51 PM:

How do u instant message someone who has a different computer than yours?

Angel said, on March 25, 2007 8:28 PM:

How Can I Delete My Own self
Off Of My Friend's Buddy List
Help Please and How Can I Change My Buddy's
Password He Changed Mine

Ruthie Lewis said, on May 21, 2007 7:05 PM:

How do I ADD a friend to my yahoo list????

D said, on May 26, 2007 6:42 PM:

I want to know if I'm being blocked or deleted altogether from someone's buddy list. How can I find out if i've been removed (not just blocked) from someone else's buddy list?

joe said, on June 12, 2007 8:34 PM:

how can i add someone to my buddy list and not have yahoo ask if they want to be put on buddy list?

RC said, on August 27, 2007 9:25 PM:

WHEN I TALK TO MY FRIEND ON YAHOO IM SEE CAN SEE MY WORDS BUT I CANT SEE HERS.

rob said, on September 11, 2007 8:42 AM:

Hi,
How do i change my yahoo instant messenger password?

hamide said, on September 26, 2007 3:10 PM:

hi.how can i add sb in yahoo messenger without that person's allow?i really need it.just send it 2 me

irinaf_u said, on October 22, 2007 1:55 PM:

How can I know if someone has erased from my messenger list and adress book?

Jady said, on October 30, 2007 12:29 AM:

Actually, even if you "Block" someone by your abovementioned method, and set them to "Appear Permanently Offline"... when you delete them from your list, you remain on THEIR list, but you become VISIBLE to them, even AFTER you set them to "Appear Permanently Offline"... so if you want to REMAIN invisible to someone, you must indeed "Block" them, but you can NOT delete them from your list. Otherwise they will see you when you are available online.

This is current from personal experience as of 10/25/2007

Lisa said, on December 14, 2007 5:26 PM:

i have had yahoo for a while now but i cant find my yahoo buddy list i try signing in and the smiley face goes back to sleep how can i get my buddies back i am computer illerate please help

edward said, on January 30, 2008 10:12 AM:

i have a problum i had a old computer that crashed i added some 1 to it and thay refuzed my add so now i want to remove my name from his or her list how can i do that now this site also i do a serch on google and find my info scatterd all over the place difrent names ill give u 1 do a serch on catmando8820002000 and you will see what i mean i want all this info gone and yes im amazed i found this out so i dont aply to any servis on line no more so my name wont be on google can u pl ansure these 2 ? i have wrote to some of the contact us dilog and still nuthing happens can u help me figure this problems out and you will be the man ty

brooke said, on February 22, 2008 7:03 PM:

If I send a person an instant message on Yahoo Messenger and they instant message me back, does that mean that I am on their buddy list? Or can they instant message me back without me being on their list?

bivas said, on March 3, 2008 10:11 AM:

How can I find out that i've been removed from someone else's buddy list without asking him?

Ria said, on March 30, 2008 4:18 AM:

I was wondering if anyone knew of a program like AIM Minus that would add yourself to someone else's buddy list?

hilal ahamed said, on March 30, 2008 11:57 PM:

Some times our friends will be invisible. how can i know actually they are on line or not?

hilal ahamed said, on March 30, 2008 11:58 PM:

Some times our friends will be invisible. how can i know actually they are on line or not?

lopa said, on April 18, 2008 1:51 PM:

how can i know if i am blocked and deleted on someone's yahoo messenger?

please know that this is not about someone hiding from me or visible/invisible thing..if i am blocked my messages won't reach them even if i see them online. so how to know if i am blocked on someone's yahoo messenger list (without having to ask them of course)?

Sandy said, on April 28, 2008 10:38 AM:

I have a buddy on my list who's tool menu does not light up. It will not let me see his profile, webcam, conference -- none of those icons are lit up -- what can he do to get thos to light up?

hadeellibya said, on July 26, 2008 9:39 AM:

People can leave your request pending if they like, on yahoo messenger versions 8 and up you are not forced to approve or disapprove ,as for removing yourself from somebody's list well that can be done with DAB (Deny a buddy).

Deborah Enright said, on August 1, 2008 6:55 AM:

I downloaded Yahoo IM for my mac and it won't open.

Deborah

leanne said, on August 3, 2008 12:50 PM:

Is there a way on yahooIM on my phone to see what time IM were recvd. I can never tell how long it has been since I recvd a IM on my phone. Is it a setting I need to change?
please email me any info!! leannedc@gmail.com

abybabie said, on October 5, 2008 10:42 PM:

If I have removed, ie. deleted someone from my friend list on yahoo messenger,would it still mean that he can see me if I am online on his?

Ashraf saleem said, on October 9, 2008 10:15 AM:

Plz tell me that how can i delete my all buddies in my buddy list. Thanks

Meou said, on October 14, 2008 3:09 PM:

Re: yahoo archives: I deleted all my yahoo saved archives and they are gone under my messenger but when I search them the names and dates of times and id of person I conversed with is under my documents under old structure. Is it possible for me to open them again?

Curt said, on October 15, 2008 10:00 PM:

If someone has deleted you off their list and block you from sending messages can you still see them online on the yahoo email contact list? You know when you go log in to your email there is a contact list... if the person has ignored your messages should they appear online in that list?

carla said, on November 4, 2008 9:00 AM:

how can i know if someone deleted me in their friendslist?

rohit1539 said, on November 29, 2008 11:52 PM:

many days ago had chat with any one ,her ID sarda ....else
i forget perfectly
how i can know or search it by using this this few words

marshaarland said, on January 2, 2009 3:21 AM:

i need help getting my yahoo buddylist to show up.i have one but it won't come up. thanks.

marsha garland said, on January 2, 2009 3:23 AM:

same question

Nitish said, on January 25, 2009 10:06 AM:

Hi,
Yahoo deleted my id for some reason and all my contacts are lost. Is there a way that i can retrieve those?.

Also how to search for a id if i remember only haf of it or only the screen name.

lauren said, on January 29, 2009 10:13 AM:

how do u get the buddy list

kumar said, on February 7, 2009 12:06 AM:

hi i have added my girl frnd's id last year feb bt unfortunately i dnt remember the date. so now i want to find the date whn i added her on my buddy list. can anyone help me out.

Lee said, on February 11, 2009 5:12 PM:

If I don't see a friend on the main list,(that shows they are online or not), and then I go to IM another person from the Actions list,(under send an instant message) and the friend who wasn't there to begin with is now showing up as online "or available" (I'm guessing) on the Actions list, are they avoiding or stealth invisable(ing) themselves to me? What does this mean?

Melody said, on February 16, 2009 6:00 PM:

My friend does not have the area with the emoticons, winks, vidio winks, display pictures, sound effects or specile content bar on her instant messenger!!!! she is missing all the fun stuff. How can she get this on her instant messenger box??? please help us... thank you

Phil Martin said, on March 15, 2009 7:07 PM:

hi when i want to add detail to a buddy i get this error message. "The last address operation did not suceed to do server error code -40402. I have the latest version of yahoo messenger should i download again and if i do do i need to uninstall first? Also if i uninstall will i lose all my buddies info on my freinds list

Thanks

Tim said, on April 27, 2009 8:51 AM:

I have a question. How to i update my buddy list on yim mobile? There is one person who i know is online but it shows that they aren't because my list only show a few ppl. Does anyone know how to change that?

helena said, on May 22, 2009 11:55 AM:

how can i add a friend in yahoo messenger without he knows?

Melissa Albright said, on June 17, 2009 7:44 PM:

Ok here is the situation for me. Every time I try to message people on my buddy list, my yahoo does the whole 'not responding' and 'not working' thing and says that a problem has caused the program to stop working correctly. I want to know what is wrong and how do I fix this so I can message them without a problem and etc. Cause to be honest, its been going on for about two weeks nows and the only way I can message a buddy is by inviting them to a conference. If anyone has some advice, help tips, or a good solution, feel free to email me or send me a message over aim or windows live messenger. my aim screen name is dragonworship006 and my windows live messnger thing is dragonworship006@aim.com. Your help is much needed, please and thank you. =]

Darius said, on July 1, 2009 1:54 AM:

Hi. I want to know how can i see my wife's buddy list in yahoo messenger? she dose not use yahoo at home, but she uses that in her office.I asked her she denied but her office mate told she dose.Is there any way? I have her IP .

cece said, on August 7, 2009 11:01 AM:

hi,
my friend recently swithced over to another laptop and i think he downloaded the newest yahoo msg version. however, i can see him but he cant see me online or whenever i write. i cant seem to get his email either even though i have his yahoo id. plz help. thanks!

jolynn said, on September 2, 2009 11:03 AM:

How do I find out if someone deleted me from their IM or just has it "permanently off line" or if they "Blocked me"? Can you hide a contact so if someone is looking at your IM they wont be able to see their name? Can you be on IM on your phone and your computer at the same time? Why is all my IM contacts from my computer not on my phone?

Someone said, on September 29, 2009 1:58 PM:

Regards,
From time to time a certain ID disappears from my Messanger list.No one else knows the password and Yahoo didn't inform a hack. Also I've never had problems while loging on.The person is important to me and denied using any program to delete imself from my list.Is there any way I can find why it disappears?
Lots of thanks

dcole35 said, on October 14, 2009 11:28 AM:

Friend has webcam wants me to see them. I do not have webcam. They have invited me to webcam through messenger but my icon wont click on it. How do I see someone on their webcam when I dont have one

Dave Taylor said, on October 14, 2009 12:27 PM:

"Someone", I'm afraid that these services are a bit flakey, so as long as there aren't blocks against the IM service itself on your school/work firewall, etc., there's not much you can do.

DCole35, I don't know how to circumvent the requirement that you have a webcam to be able to see someone else on their Webcam. Of course, the porn sites have figured that out, but that's another story. :-) Then again, check Amazon.com: you can buy a PC-compatible Webcam for less than $10, like the "Labtec Webcam Plus"...

jen said, on December 4, 2009 5:40 AM:

How can I find out that i've been removed from someone else's buddy list without asking him? .

Tim K said, on December 10, 2009 7:42 AM:

how can i know if i am blocked and deleted on someone's yahoo messenger?

please know that this is not about someone hiding from me or visible/invisible thing..if i am blocked my messages won't reach them even if i see them online. so how to know if i am blocked on someone's yahoo messenger list (without having to ask them of course)?

gurl said, on December 16, 2009 12:54 AM:

i have some problem..i can't add my friend to my messenger list..it says YOUR REQUEST TO ADD A CONTACT HAS TAKEN LONGER THAN EXPECTED TO COMPLETE.THE OPERATION MAY HAVE SUCCEEDED.PLEASE CHECK YOUR MESSENGER LIST LATER..please help me!!!!

random said, on December 29, 2009 11:11 AM:

hey i was wondering say if you wanted to delete a person from your list butttt after you delete them that person stil talks to you, do they kno that i deleted them and also how do you kno if they had also deleted you if they saw i deleted them first???

Dave Taylor said, on December 29, 2009 3:39 PM:

random, if you don't *block* them, there's no way for them to know who is on your contacts (think "favorites") list or not. You're in the clear.

dani green said, on February 14, 2010 1:23 PM:

a friend of mine and i were at my house looking at my yahoo.com emails. it showed she was on-line but she was not. she was sitting right next to me. she knows for sure she closed down her computer correctly. why would it show she was on-line? thanks

jen said, on April 3, 2010 8:14 AM:

Hey, i have a problem in adding my friends 'cause before I deleted my friend and then now I'm adding him again but when I add him it says that it was sent but I still can't see him on my list but before, when I add someone even they haven't confirmed yet I see them on my list, it's just different look with the confirmed friend. Pls tell me what to do to add new friends

jane said, on April 13, 2010 4:12 PM:

How do I know if a friend has removed me from her buddy list- I can still see her when she is online.

Xxxax said, on April 15, 2010 2:08 PM:

Hey Ive been looking everywhere is and I cant find what I wana know. Look I want to know like everybody else If an old contact of mine on yahoo messenger has me on his messenger or not I know you can see it on msn plus but need to know it for the other one. There must be some way to find out if my contact has me or not if I can download something to see it I have the newest YM so please if you could help me dont want to ask this person. please help :S

meesha said, on May 25, 2010 2:00 PM:

let me go on chat

Raam said, on June 27, 2010 9:50 AM:

How do i remove my id from others contact list so he/she will not see me online permanently, either from YIM or yahoo email contacts

David T said, on July 24, 2010 10:30 AM:

I have phantom contacts on Yahoo messenger. When I try to delete them from my contacts list I get the following error:

"Failed to remove XYZ from your friends list. XYZ is not in your friends list."

If I try to go stealth on that that user I get THIS error:
"Failed to make see you as offline."

I can't ignore the user because I can't remove them from the friends list! Any suggestions on how to get these phantom users off my list?

Bia'a said, on January 1, 2011 11:59 AM:

Hi!I'm having a problem.
I'm getting notifications that some contacts go online or offline,but those contacts are on my ignore list.
If I click the notification it doesn't open me a window to talk with those contacts.
If I search the contacts on my messenger list I found them and they appear as offline.If I try to say something there,it doesn't open a window where I can say something,it says that I can't talk to a person that is on my ignore list.
What should I do?Is this normal? It started like 2 days ago to do like this.
Hope you can help me.thanks!

Roy said, on May 3, 2011 2:55 AM:

When I send an email to somebody, instead of my name some other name appears to them. However I have checked my proflie and account name its mine. i tried resetting profile name and password no use.....

Damon said, on July 26, 2011 5:48 PM:

i have just downloaded yahoo messenger 11 onto my new laptop with windows 7 on it . seems everything works great EXCEPT when i make a voice call , the other person can hear me perfect but i cant hear anything at all!!uninstalled and reinstalled ,still same . strange thing is if i use the conference option i can then hear them ,it is very choppy and has what sounds to be mic feedback when they speak ,so bad i cant understand what is being said 3/4 of the time !.

Damon said, on July 26, 2011 6:38 PM:

i have just downloaded yahoo messenger 11 onto my new laptop with windows 7 on it . seems everything works great EXCEPT when i make a voice call , the other person can hear me perfect but i cant hear anything at all!!uninstalled and reinstalled ,still same . strange thing is if i use the conference option i can then hear them ,it is very choppy and has what sounds to be mic feedback when they speak ,so bad i cant understand what is being said 3/4 of the time !.

Aly said, on August 6, 2011 6:41 AM:

Hello.I've seen to another one person this question but no answer.So,please,why when I added a buddy it has appeared a window who said:" YOUR REQUEST TO ADD A CONTACT HAS TAKEN LONGER THAN EXPECTED TO COMPLETE.THE OPERATION MAY HAVE SUCCEEDED.PLEASE CHECK YOUR MESSENGER LIST LATER".My Yahoo Messenger ID is new,and imma using YM 11.Can somebody help me with an answer?I really don't know why it is happen like this way.Thanks anyway.

cara said, on August 9, 2011 12:23 PM:

I downloaded the new version of yahoo, but some of my contacts in YIM are gone. I still have their email address, but it is like they logged out of IM, which I know they didn't.

norma said, on August 27, 2011 4:30 PM:

Does this help me talk to my friends to?

Nilda said, on September 11, 2011 6:25 AM:

How would I know if my I have been deleted or blocked from my friend's list? I have been sending offline messages, then when I retrieved my recent messages,my offline messages disappeared even thought I have set to save all conversation or messages history. Have i been blocked or deleted from my friend's list?

Mary said, on September 22, 2011 9:10 AM:

I need some help on blocking people from my yahoo
Could you please list how to block ????

Thank you

Tithy said, on October 2, 2011 3:32 AM:

hi, sir
i am block my mail account from one person.now i want to remove block. so help me to solve this problem.

Tithy

Paul said, on October 6, 2011 9:16 AM:

Hi Dave

I have just switched over to the updated BT/Yahoo mail service which seems slow, sticky and vastly inferior.
In my previous version I could see which of my contacts were on line via messenger (under contacts), but I can not find a way to do this on the new version.
Can you help please?

Thx
Paul

Deleana Smith said, on October 26, 2011 8:55 AM:

I need help in finding a picture that did appear when I logged in in yahoo messenger. It came up and had to sign in. I cant even find this picture on the computer. Please help

Anonymous said, on November 8, 2011 12:14 AM:

hai...i would like to know about using webcam.becoz one of my friend chatting with his girlfriend through webcam.But now he is very afraid.becoz that was sexchatting.thats why....
now iam asking u,it will recording yahoo admin or any other user.pls clear it me now..if this video record any other user or yahoo admin..then how can i remove that one.becoz now he is going to marry her.if someone recorded this video it will be effected his future life......pls help meeeee....

anonimous said, on November 8, 2011 12:46 AM:

hai...i would like to know about using webcam.becoz one of my friend chatting with his girlfriend through webcam.But now he is very afraid.becoz that was sexchatting.thats why....
now iam asking u,it will recording yahoo admin or any other user.pls clear it me now..if this video record any other user or yahoo admin..then how can i remove that one.becoz now he is going to marry her.if someone recorded this video it will be effected his future life......pls help meeeee....

sarir6 said, on November 8, 2011 9:57 AM:

i like yahoo it 2times fasterand better than the others .

miro said, on November 16, 2011 7:25 PM:

Hi, I wanna know how I can find out if someone deleted or blocked me, without askin them of course. Please let me know how. Thank u

miro said, on November 16, 2011 7:25 PM:

Hi, I wanna know how I can find out if someone deleted or blocked me, without askin them of course. Please let me know how. Thank u

Phen said, on November 19, 2011 10:33 PM:

Hello,
I need help.. Every time im we have a video call with my family they can hear me but I cant hear them.. I wonder if there's anything to do with window 7. I went thru all setting and instructions but still no help.

vida sika quaye said, on November 20, 2011 2:19 AM:

have i been hacked? i make an attempt to chat with friends online using yahoo IMS but it seems my messages never get to them. i see their writings when they make the first attempt but mine never appears on the screen. where does it goes to and how can my messages appear on the screen so that i can chat with my friends again?

asd said, on December 4, 2011 4:19 PM:

Hi, I was wondering how I can see an enlarged image of a buddy's yahoo messenger icon picture?

Paul Jacobs said, on December 17, 2011 12:51 AM:

How can I see how many contacts someone who is a contact of mine has? I see this is available on Skype, is it findable on Messenger?

karthik said, on December 18, 2011 12:40 AM:

In yahoo messenger when i accept the invitation to view cam from my friend i get a message on screen "You have cancelled the information to view the cam" but still the video is running. So what does this mean? Is my account hacked or is been viewed my some one else?

aishwarya said, on January 2, 2012 8:59 AM:

how can i know weather my buddy has deleted is yahoo account....he still appears in the friends list..

steve said, on January 16, 2012 10:59 AM:

From time to time a certain ID disappears from my Messanger list.No one else knows the password and Yahoo didn't inform a hack. Also I've never had problems while loging on.The person is important to me and denied using any program to delete imself from my list.Is there any way I can find why it disappears?
Lots of thanks

Posted by: Someone at September 29, 2009 1:58 PM

I HAVE THIS EXACT PROBLEM over n over...keep re adding the friend then all of a sudden she's gone.. :O

Janet said, on January 17, 2012 9:39 PM:

I have a couple of questions please. Is there a way for someone to check through their computer my yahoo messenger chat IDs and how often I log into the messenger? If so, how do they do it? Please help!

val said, on January 21, 2012 8:06 AM:

I want to know, if someone appears offline on my yahoo messenger and when making an entry, it says offline and I send a text message or a picture file, does the other person get that info?

Kinyanjui William said, on February 14, 2012 3:02 PM:

I want to block him

Heny said, on February 20, 2012 7:13 PM:

1. How do I know if someone is ignoring me?
2. Why can't I accept when my buddy is making a voice call to my YM ID? Even I can't see the alert of calling, just hearing.

Thanks

yasmin said, on February 27, 2012 9:42 PM:

my friend block me. i want to see him on his facebook

mohitkumar said, on March 21, 2012 9:44 AM:

i cant find out which person is on line or not on yahoo chatting . when i sign on and avaibility is show the detail is not show who is on line or not . pls solve this problem

Ann said, on April 13, 2012 5:04 AM:

Pronto Dave
I have an Emergency Question!
Can someone add you as a YIM friend without knowing you? or YIM inform us anout that?
I want an Emergency Answer Per favore Please!
Grazie Dave

I do have a lot to say, and questions of my own for that matter, but first I'd like to say thank you, Dave, for all your helpful information by buying you a cup of coffee!

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Managing Yahoo Instant Messenger (YIM) Buddy Lists?

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